Family Psychology: Children's Offences
When a child says that he was offended, as a rule, parents do not pay much attention to that phrase. Well, what can be resentment at the three-year crumbs? But from the point of view of psychology, this approach is very wrong, and this parental neglect the feelings of a child in the future can lead to big problems.
The causes of children's offenses
For young children up to about five years, the reason for the offense may be any ban parents. You can not throw toys in the kitchen - the offense, you can not jump into a pool - resentment, did not buy another toy - again resentment. Kids at this age believe that the world was created just for them, and there should be no restrictions.
After 5-6 years, the child begins to realize that in the world there are other people, so more adequately respond to various restrictions. Children of this age appear less selfish motives, their "want" and "do not want", they are being more adjusted to the surrounding. Therefore, at this age becomes less resentment.
Resentment against parents
From five to twelve years, there are new offenses, more conscious and more severe. Now parents can hear phrases such plan: "You are always not at home, you are always at work, and once you play with me." These grievances have deep roots, they should be treated carefully, as they indicate that the child is severely affected, and parents have a good chance of losing the trust of their child at this age.
Most children's grievances relate it to his father, but not mother, as so happened that my mother in a child's life takes a more active role. Attention father is very important for both daughters and sons for. Psychologists believe that children who did not praise a child and did not support his father, grow up with low self-esteem. Even if the father is always busy at work, he has to find time for their children to enjoy their achievements, praise for any manifestation of independence, saying that his child is the most talented, the most beautiful, the smartest.
The consequences of childhood resentment
Resentment in itself destructive, it entails a rage, anger, desire for revenge, frustration. Children do not understand how to deal with these feelings, so experiencing the strongest psycho-emotional trauma that leaves its mark on the whole future life.
As an adult, a person can bear the weight of the children's resentment, which will not give him to live a happy and fulfilling. For example, if school-age teacher fails to make fun of you for the response time at the board, it is likely that as an adult, you can not speak in public.
Touchiness children are many times more likely to be obese when they grow up, as they grow up insecure Me, closed and "seize" any feelings that bring them discomfort.
Children who are often resented as a child and they do not help to deal with these feelings continue to be offended and in adult life, at work, at school, at home. In the end, they become outcasts, as no one likes to deal with people who dominated the destructive feelings. Thus, they destroy their lives, and all for the simple reason that their child does not learn to forgive.
How to help your child cope with resentment
The most important thing to remember parents, you never pass the children's resentment. Ignore the display of children's insults can not, we must explain to the child why the situation is such, why it is something forbidden or punished. At the same time, it is important to be firm. For example, if the baby was offended by what he did not buy another toy, you have to explain why, without fear of offending the little extortionist. And do not turn around and go in response to the cry of children.
If a child is hurt and kept to himself. This is a dangerous signal to which you want to respond immediately. Every parent knows their child better than anyone else, so it's important to find something that will help him out of this state. Go for a walk, go to the movies, the park, perhaps enough together to see cartoon house, and then to discuss the situation, which has led to such a strong offense.
It is very important to every situation, which leads to resentment, to negotiate. The child is important to get answers to some questions, but not take the penalty or ban without complaint.
As a rule, the offense is based on the following algorithm "resentment, anger, vengeance on them." Parents need to teach a child to break this stereotype, otherwise his life would be very difficult, especially during social adaptation.
Forgiveness is one of the important aspects that need to teach a child to the parents. And here all good, from films, books and cartoons with illustrative examples, to the personal example of parents. It is not necessary that the child is fully forgiven her abuser, it is important to ensure that he has ceased to think of a place that is no longer to save a negative sense, from which would suffer only himself. After all, the world is beautiful, there a lot of good, so the child must be taught to see the best that there is in this life.
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